Friday, January 27, 2006

Random Questions That Need Answering

This week's Friday Fiver is kind of pointless. Everything they ask can be seen in my profile here on the blog. Let's have some more thought provoking questions, people. Below is what Friday Fiver asked.

1. Age?
2. Sex?
3. Location?
4. Single?
5. How long have you been doing the fridayfiver?

Honestly, I may need to stop posting these. But then I'd have to come up with some original material. Here are some questions I think are more fun and thought provoking. Feel free to answer.

1. What is your opinion of the spork?
2. Gnomes: good or evil?
3. What do you think of your dodgeball playing experiences?
4. What mythical creature or fictional character do you fear most? (or would, if it existed)
5. Who would you bet on if the Teletubbbies have a Steel Cage match against the Tweenies with Barney the Dinosaur as a special guest referee?


Yomper said...

Oh, come on! You've at least got to answer your own questions! Otherwise you're just walking away with the Mardi Gras beads without paying for them, if you catch my meaning. Here, I'll start off. The safe word is "bananas".

While rarely my first choice in silverware, the spork is a proudly utilitarian little item that comes in handy for unplanned culinary experiences. They're like the kitchenry equivalent of the condom: not anybody's first choice, but there've been plenty of times you've said, "Cripes! Glad I had one of those around!"

My belief is that most gnomes are evil, or lawful neutral at the very best. Occasionally you see a particularly wise-looking gnome, a gnome who has found peace and harmony with his environment, but most of those pricks are just short little garden-dwelling finks.

My dodgeball memories are not happy ones. I recall being pitted mainly against large farm boys at least a grade or two older than me, boys who would eventually go on to play varsity baseball. The worst part is that we played against a brick wall. There was no running around a nice comfy open-air court like Vince Vaughan and Ben Stiller. We played against a brick wall! We lined up against the wall of the school and had balls thrown at us. I swear! This wasn't just some cruel ritual of kids torturing other kids--there were teachers involved! This is actually how we played it in gym class, except that in gym we did it inside where there were pads on the wall. Tell some kid who throws hay bales around after school and knows the back of your skull is two inches from a brick wall not to go for a head shot! Right!

Well, in the classic monster pantheon it would have to be vampires. But if you're going to open it up a bit, The Exorcist is really the only movie that scares me, and as a kid I had plenty of nightmares featuring the hideous demonic face. I've also had the occasional nightmare about the creatures from the Alien movies. Jar-Jar Binks is the most frightening fictional character ever imagined.

I've never seen a Tweenie, but it would be hard to imagine any sentient vertibrate getting its ass kicked by a Teletubbie. I would put my money on that Barney costume splitting down the middle to reveal...Stewie Griffin! Damn you all! Stewie would then enslave the Teletubbies, the Tweenies, and the studio audience and use them as part of a complex scheme to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!! The smart money's on Stewie.

BlueMule said...

Yeah, I agree with tons o' fun on this one. Good thing you finally came through with the answers!

1. The Spork
Another example of the brilliant capabilities of science. It's a spoon AND a fork. Wow. And to think people have a deep respect for Einstein. All he did was come up with some lousy theory. A theory. Not a REAL object like the allmighty spork! Bow to the spork of power!

2. Gnomes: Good or Evil
It depends on what type of gnomes we're talking about here. If we're talking about GARDEN GNOMES, then I'm pretty convinced we're talking evil here. In fact, I believe there's Gnomish plot to overthrow all of humanity. Imagine what'll happen if all of those cute little garden gnomes rise up one dark and stormy night and kill us in our sleep. Frightening.

3. Dodgeball Experiences
Having read Yomper's comment, all I can do is say "ditto". Although at this point in my life (where I weigh 170lbs more than I did in school) I'd love to play dodgeball. Particularly if I could stack a pile of those guys who I hated playing dodgeball with. Remember the five D's of Dodgeball: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Dodge!

4. Most Feared Mythical Creature or Fictional Character
I think it would be the sort of lurking spirit evil a-la The Evil Dead (The first one) or perhaps even the demon possession of the Exorcist. It's the things I can't see that scare me the most.

Same as Fatty, I've never seen the Tweenies. But in the end I'm betting that Barney would end up eating all of them. Come on, he's a freakin' DINOSAUR for chrisakes! And look at those teeth! Just right for ripping one of those freakish teletubbies to pieces. After the bloodbath, he'd sing the "I love you, you love me" song and everyone would be happy!