Friday, February 17, 2006

I'm Old!

So, I know I'm not that old in the scheme of things. I did, however, just celebrate a birthday and came to the realization that I'm going to be hitting thirty pretty darn soon. Remember when 30 seemed old? Also, the last time I went out on the town, I found myself looking around at the crowd thinking was I that annoying at 21? The answer is, yeah, I probably was. Amateurs. I came to the conclusion that I was the old creepy guy at the back of the club. Not really old, just too old to be there. I also could hear the Jaws theme playing in my head watching the college boys persuing their drunken prey across the dance floor.

So today I'm feeling old. I discovered it only takes 2 drinks to get me feeling a buzz, which I suppose is good for the wallet. However, it now takes me about 3 days to recover from a late night. This sadly means that if I go out on a Saturday, I'm going to be feeling like crap until Wednesday. Yeah, I'm aging.

So I worked through all of that. I'm aging. So what? I have a lot of years left in me still. I'm smarter, more sure of myself, and put up with a lot less BS then I did a few years ago. I started getting used to the idea of hitting 30. And then I checked the mail. Nothing makes a person feel quite as old as getting one of these in the mail. Yomper, I feel your pain.

Friday Fiver: Cheney's Got a Gun

Ahh, everone's favorite topic of discussion this week. Even the Friday Fiver has gotten in on the VP shot someone in the face with a shotgun thing.

1. Do you have good hand-eye coordination?
Decent enough for swinging swords and throwing axes with a bit of accuracy.

2. Have you ever held a gun?
Yes, held and fired a hunting rifle at paper targets.

3. What do you think of toy guns?
Do I think they make people violent? No. Do I think it's bad for children to have toy guns? No, but I do believe that children need to understand the difference between fantasy and reality. Parents need to pay attention to their children enough to catch early warning signs if the lines between fantasy and reality start to become blurred.

4. When is the last time you asked for forgiveness?
Last spring I said some things to a friend that my inner monologue should have kept silent.

5. Your favorite Aerosmith song:
Dream On, also Sweet Emotion and Walk This Way, featuring Run DMC

There are, of course, other questions that the Cheney-Whittington shooting brings up.
1. How do you feel about canned hunting operations?
2. Do you believe that there was alcohol involved?
3. How do you suppose the police would have handled the situation if an average citizen shot his hunting partner?
4. Why did it take so long for Cheney to make a statement.
5. Do you think Cheney will be charged with anything if Whittington dies from his wounds?

In answer to my own questions...
1. I think it's unsportsmanlike to hunt penned game. I also think that grain fed quail are about as weary of humans as urban pigeons.

2. When the story broke earlier this week, I really didn't think alcohol was involved. If these guys had to hunt released domestic quail, then I don't think we're dealing with some experienced hunters. People get excited, accidents happen. Now, however, it's revealed that lunch may have included a beer or two. Yeah, right. Anyone who's ever been stopped by the cops tells them they've had 2 beers. This makes me think alcohol was an issue, and the 14 hour delay in talking to the police is now explained. Cheney probably needed to sober up.

3. If this was Joe Average-citizen and his buddy, there would have been a delay in talking to the police. Cheney was allowed a 14 hour grace period to sober up and get his story straight. Depending on the shooter's BAC, charges may have been brought for reckless endangerement. The hunting license would have certainly been revoked, with the possiblity of not being allowed to own firearms.

4. This is by far the biggest goof in how the situation was handled. If Cheney made a statement when the incident happeded, then the late night talk shows would have made some jokes and the whole thing would have been soon forgotten. Now it's become front page news. The reason it took so long is that he was under the impression that this could be just quietly swept inder the rug. I also don't think Cheney is all that sorry. Earlier this week he tried to blame Whittington for the accident (Whittington didn't announce his position). Sorry, the shooter is always responsible, but taking responsibility has not been one of this administrations strong points.

5. If the worst happens and Whittington dies, either directly from his wounds or complications, then I think we'll see his family speak out and attempt to bring about charges on Cheney. I do not believe that they'll be able to make the charges stick. I don't think this is enough to get him thrown out, but later Cheney may step down from his VP position, due to 'health concerns'.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Fun Things to Do in a Hotel Room

I've been doing some contract work for a hospital this past week in upstate New York. Usually when I do this kind of thing, I work insanely long hours to get the job done and me home as quickly as possible. Unfortunately this time I needed to space my hours out so I was on-site Monday through Friday. This has caused me to find new and exciting things to occupy my time at night in the hotel room. If you actually try any of these be sure to tip the housekeepers heavily for cleaning up after your dumb ass.

  • Find and stash as much free soap, toilettries, and stationary as your suitcase will hold
  • Carve Celtic runes into the soap and place them in precise patterns around the room
  • Take all the sheets and blankets off the beds and build little forts in the room
  • Find the sewing kit. Sew a button on the light shade
  • Towel oragami
  • Set up a mini golf course. Use trash cans, the ice bucket, and soda bottles for holes. You can always swipe some olives from the mini bar to use as the ball
  • If you're staying multiple nights, alternate the bed you sleep in. Put the pillows at the foot of the bed. This really won't kill any time, but it will mess with the housekeeper's head
  • Take the ironing board to the nearest stairwell. Surf's up!

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Friggin' Friday Fiver

OK. The questions off this weeks Friday Fiver aren't as lame as last week, but they're not much better either.

1. Any plans to watch the Super Bowl?
No, not really. It may be on in the background at some point in time this evening.
2. Friday or Saturday: Which is a better date night?
It depends on if I have to work late on Friday, in which case I'll be in a bad mood when I get home.
3. Do you do anything special on the weekends that you don't do during the week?
Generally this is when I do really exciting things like laundry and cleaning the bathroom.
4. Where do you get your news from?; NPR, since I spend a lot of time behind the wheel; occassionally the Burlington Free Press, usually read while doing laundry, see above; various sites out there in blogland
5. Kevin, Norm, Colin, Jimmy, Tina or Amy?
I didn't get the reference. I tend to agree with Yomper, who makes the point that this is probably a Saturday Nighlt Live reference based on the title 'Weekend Update'.

Fashion Sense

The other day I was shopping the clearance racks at the Fashion Bug and I happened to notice a display of T shirts with 'cute' little phrases written in glitter and rhinestones. I've always thought it was somehow wrong to be dressing young women in shirts that describe the wearer as 'Porn Star' or 'Playboy Bunny'. It reminds me of an episode of The Family Guy.

Lois: Oh, what about this, Meg? A pink baby-tee that says "Little Slut." That seems pretty hip.
Meg: I don't know if that's really me, Mom.
Lois: Well, they've got one that says "Porn Star" and another that says "Sperm Dumpster." And they're all written in glitter.
Meg: All right, all right. Give me "Sperm Dumpster."
Lois: That's the spirit!

One particular shirt I saw, proudly proclaimed in multicolored glitter and rhinestones

This got me thinking. Now, I know this is supposed to be cute and clever, but is this the kind of message we as women really want to be sending? It just leaves our male counterparts open to walking around in shirts that read