Nudity in Vermont

There's a lot going on in Vermont, newswise. Over the last week we've had a crazy woman from Braintree pee on a plane, a tragic shooting at an elementary school, and now this headline from Reuters, 'Nude Teens Raise Eyebrows'.

Apparantly, some rascally teens in Brattleboro have started walking around in the buff this summer. And the bset part of it is that public nudity in the town is only illegal if it's done to arouse sexual gratification.

All the nudity has set up a first ammendment rights fight between the town and the naked teens.

When the weather grew hot this year, a couple of dozen teens took to holding hula hoop contests, riding bikes and parading past the shops wearing only their birthday suits.

Nobody, including the police, seemed to take offense until one local, Theresa Toney, went before the town government in August to complain about a group of youngsters naked in a parking lot.

"The parking lot is not a strip club," she said. "What about children seeing this?"

Town officials asked their attorney to draft an ordinance to ban such displays for the Select Board to vote on in September. When the teens heard about it, some staged a nude sit-in.

The whole problem with first ammendment controversies is that a person's right to self expression must be balanced with another's right to not participate in that expression. For example, adults have the right to rent a pornographic movie, but these movies are situated in a location where someone looking for the latest Disney flick isn't going to run across it. It's also the same reason groups like the KKK are protected under law to stage a rally, so long as they do so non-violently. Likewise, certain forms of expression have been outlawed because of the harm to others. You cannot yell 'Fire!' in a crowded theater. Protesters at an abortion clinic cannot physically bar entrance to the clinic.

Given the teens' comments, they don't understand this.

"I don't see why it's such a big deal," said Alec McPherson, a recent high school graduate as he sat at a coffee shop table, browsing a thick volume of artwork from the Metropolitan Museum of Art. "Everyone's naked in this book."

His companion, Jeremiah Compton, a high school junior who plays in a local metal-and-punk band, agreed. "It's just that we're bored and expressing our right," he said.
"We have a nuclear power plant a few miles away and a ridiculous war in the Middle East, countries getting bombed," said Ian Bigelow, a 23-year-old who had gathered with some of his friends outside a bookstore. "So why's it such a big problem if we chose to get nude?"

Personally, I don't have a problem with nudity. I know what the human body looks like. I'm also under the impression that everybody looks silly completely naked. No matter how attractive that person may be, there's going to be dangly bits hanging out, things flopping, a little jiggling, and possibly some hairy bits. I find it amusing. The teens are obviously going for the shock value. That's fine.

What's troubling is that someone who didn't want to see naked people was forced to view them. The argument 'she doesn't have to look' doesn't hold in this case. If the teens are walking around all over town, then the woman has no idea where they will be so she can avoid them. In the pornography example I used, you still have the right to rent the porno, but that does not mean that everyone has to go beyond the little curtain at the video store. How this will pan out in the town ordinance could be amusing. They could have a designated nude district or a special naked day.

I question my liberalism when I begin to think about cases like this. The teens are just having a little rebellious fun, not really harming anybody. Am I the old stodgy who tells them they're wrong? The problem I have is the carelessness with which the first ammendment gets thrown around. When you wield your rights, you must take responsibility to not harm others in the process.

It's Finally Happened!

After many long years of waiting patiently, it's finally happened. The Tick animated series is finally being released on DVD. The DVD is entitled The Tick vs Season 1 and will be released on August 29. Yes, I will be getting it.

If you've never seen the show, it is a very funny and witty satire of the superhero genre. The Tick centers around a hero called, what else, The Tick. Clad in his blue tick suit, he's humongus, excedingly strong, and has a teensy little brain. With his only superpower of nigh-invulnerability, is sets out to save The City with his trusty sidekick, Arthur, a former accounant. The City is teeming with heros and villians alike. We meet heroes Die Fledermaus, American Maid, Sewer Urchin, The Human Bullet, and a host of others. There are also some recurring villians like Chairface Chippendale, The Breadmaster, and El Seed along with a host of single episode villians.

I've missed the show since it was cancelled in 1997 and have always hoped for a DVD release. I have all 36 episodes of VHS, taped off of comedy central when they re-aired the show briefly. The quality was never very good, and the tapes are beginning to show their age. It's gotten to the point where I'm a little scared to actually watch the darn things, knowing that they're wearing out and ther's no way to replace them. I was very bummed when the crappy live action version made it to DVD (bought by Sony), but not the much better animated series.

The rights to the animated series were purchased by Disney when they acquired the rights to the Fox Kids shows (I'm also hoping for an Eek the Cat DVD release). Unfortaunately, the DVD release will only contain 12 of the 13 episodes from season 1. It's missing episode 11, 'The Tick vs The Molemen'. There is some kind of problem with the rights to the episode. Disney is hoping to release the episode on future DVDs, possibly as a lost episode special feature. No word yet as to the release of seasons 2 and 3. What would be really spectacular would be to include the episodes that were completed for season 4 and were never aired due to the cancellation of the show. Rumors, rumors everywhere, and no official word. I'll wait and see.

You'll know where to find me the evening of August 29. I'll be sitting on my couch with a big bowl of popcorn watching The Tick on the insanely large television my brother purchased last Christmas. Come join me. It will be fun.

A 12 Step Program for Liberals

This joke was sent to me by an ever so witty acquaintance. Since I scored slightly to the left of Ghandi and the Dhali Lama on the political compass, he thought I could use a little help. Yes, I know this is a joke, but I'd like to add my rebuttal nonetheless.

Overcoming Liberalism - A 12 Step Program

Step 1: Admitting that you're a liberal
This is the first step for every liberal on the way to recovery. It is important to understand that you're not "progressive," "moderate," or "enlightened." You're a liberal, and you need to be honest with yourself about that fact.

Fair enough. I'm a liberal. But now you must stop referring to yourself as 'saved', 'compassionate', 'neoconservative', or 'libertarian'.

Step 2: Pledge to support your beliefs with facts
Realize that truth is more important than moral superiority and is the only way to come over to reality. You must research beyond propaganda from the Sierra Club, Hillary Clinton, and CNN (the Communist News Network) to understand things as they really exist in the world. You can no longer argue based on "feelings" or emotion. You will actually need to back up your arguments with real information. This is a difficult step, because it means you can't be lazy any more.

You must do the same to have any kind of legitimate discussion. Likewise, you must research beyond the propaganda of Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, the Washington Times, and Fox News (Faux News). Also, please stop screaming about the liberal media. Most mainstream newspapers and television programs have a more conservative bend.

Step 3: Love America
This may be the most difficult step for those of you who are hippies and peaceniks. Admitting that the country you hate actually stands as a beacon to defend freedom throughout the world can make some of you physically ill. You might want to make a visit to a military cemetery to better understand that these men and women gave their lives so that you could spew hatred. Otherwise, you would currently be living in a police state that would never let you wear that nasty patchouli oil, let alone speak out against your government.

We do love America. That's why we scream so loudly when we see what has become of her. You should also meditate on the great sacrifices our fallen soldiers have given for us.

Step 4: Take a college level economics class
I've always defined a Socialist as someone who's never taken an economics class. Most Socialists I've spoken with would have a hard time balancing their checkbooks, let alone explaining the simple concept of supply-and-demand. It's time to flush your complete ignorance of basic economics down the toilet and understand how the world actually functions. This concept will be very important for the next steps that involve communism, facts about corporations, and the inefficiencies of government.

Likewise some good biology, sociology, and ethics classes might shed some light on many of the problems our nation is faced with.

Step 5: Say "no" to Communism and Socialism
While this concept is obvious to most of the free world, it is an important step in your recovery process. If you have difficulty with this step, spend a week living and working in Cuba.

Spend some time at homeless shelters, youth centers, community health clinics, and other various community outreach projects designed to help people at the bottom of the economic ladder. While communism may not be a great strategy for whole governments, it is a wonderful concept and works great at a community level. Also, try to get over your phobia of the word 'socialism'.

Step 6: Corporations are not evil
If you're reading this article online or in an e-mail, it's thanks to corporations. If you get some kind of paycheck, you can thank corporations. If you work for a non-profit or the government, you still have to thank corporations. The non-profit sector and the government wouldn't have any money to pay you without corporations. It is also important that you understand that making a profit doesn't equate to "greed" or exploitation. Capitalism has created the greatest society in our world's history. Even communist countries need corporations to survive, so enjoy a nice, hot cup of reality.

Likewise, organizations such as labor unions, the Sierra Club, National Organization of Women, Planned Parenthood, Amnesty International, and the ACLU are also not the downfall of America. A lot of good comes from 'liberal organizations'.

Step 7: The government is inefficient
If you are one of those liberals who believe the government should tax us more in order to take care of society, you need to pay special attention to this step. You need to realize that government bureaucracy will waste most of your tax dollars, while the private sector will put your money to much better use. Even most Democrat politicians understand this to some degree, which is why Hillary's socialist health care proposal was voted down by a majority of both Democrats and Republicans. Go to your local post office or call the IRS to ask a tax question if you need a reminder about government inefficiency.

The US remains the only industrialized nation without national healthcare. The Canadian healthcare plan may have its problems, but handles most routine care and procedures quite well. You must stop and think that there is a problem somewhere when it is less expensive to reimport American pharmaceuticals, as opposed to just buying them here to begin with. Since you've taken a college level economics class, you understand that the problem with privatizing healthcare is that it is highly inelasatic. People will pay any amount when their lives are on the line. When someone is suffering from a heart attack, he is not going to haggle over the price of care.

Step 8: The earth is not your "mother," and she's not dying
The time has now come to stop your donations to Greenpeace, the Sierra Club, and every other EnviroNazi organization to which you belong. Face the reality that the earth, society, and our environment are better off today than ever in recorded history and that they are continuing to improve. I realize that many of you tree huggers will have a very difficult time letting go of the Douglas Fir on this one. I would suggest reading The Skeptical Environmentalist by Bjorn Lomborg. Mr. Lomborg is a former member of Greenpeace and is currently a statistics professor at a university in Denmark. He set out to prove the world was in bad shape and ended up surprising himself by proving the exact opposite.

We absolutely cannot give up on protecting the enviroment. Given the problems of smog, water pollution, destruction of large portions of rain forests, destructions of wet lands, and global warming (it's very hard to argue that global warming does not exist) I would say we have a very real enviromental crisis on our hands.

Step 9: Stop smoking the wacky tobaccy
Okay, some of you might need to enter another 12-step program to complete this step. Marijuana is distorting your sense of reality, and you need to stop using it. Besides, you'll save a fortune on snacks.

OK Rush, but only if you stop popping the pain killers. Snark asisde, most liberals are not dancing with Mary Jane, and not with the frequency that you would expect. In fact, the only way to form a well thought, coersive argument is to do so while sober.

Step 10: Eat a hamburger
If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat. You can put your sprouts and tofu on the hamburger, but get some meat into you. You'll look and feel better than you ever imagined. You can always remind yourself that Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian to get you through this step.

OK, but you should eat your vegetables. They're good for you and it will make your mom happy.

Step 11: Stop re-writing political history
It's now time to admit that Bill Clinton is a lying-cheating-sexist racist rapist jackass, Hillary Clinton is one of the worst role models for women in this country, Al Gore really did lose the 2000 election by every vote tabulation you attempt, Ronald Reagan ended the Cold War and didn't create the homeless problem, John McCain is not a typical Republican, and Jimmy Carter is a nice man but has one of the worst presidential records of anyone in history.

Ronald Reagan is not the saint you have cannonized him to be, and George W. Bush has been a disaster throughout his presidency, from his failure to find a 6 foot tall Arab on dialysis, to his handling of Katrina, to lies about his intent with Iraq, to his anti-science policies, to his groping the German chancellor at an international summit. Here's a hint - Don't vote for someone because you can see yourself sitting down and having a beer with him. I don't want my president to be someone I can have a drink with, I want my president to be someone who is knowledgable, can direct policy, and lead America in a positive direction.

Step 12: Be a missionary
Once you have completed the previous steps to overcoming liberalism, it's time for you to share this awakening with others who are not as fortunate. Go out amongst the liberal sheep and spread the good word of your freedom from the chains of ignorance that once bound you. Congratulations, and welcome to reality.

Same to you.

In Memoriam

Today I made a decision that every pet owner dreads having to make. I made the decision to have my cat euthanized.

Back in 1997, a roommate of mine decided that he wanted to have a cat too. I swore up and down that I would not be responsible for taking care of his cat. When we parted ways, the cat stayed with me. That was nine years ago.

Chupa and I have been through a lot together. She's outlasted several boyfriends (one of which actually asked me to choose between him and the cat), been through a miriad of roommates, multiple moves, and a couple of name changes. During breakups and dark times she was always there with a purr to make me feel better. We had been through thick and thin together.

Over the last couple of months, Chupa had been loosing a lot of weight. My normally chubby kitty became deathly thin, to the point where you could see her ribs. After several trips to the vet and multiple blood tests, the only thing that was found was that her blood sugar was a little high, possibly indicating diabetes. So I switched to a special prescription cat food for treating diabetes. The idea was to try her on the special diet for a month and see if she improves.

A few days ago, Chupa lost interest in food completely. She wouldn't eat, no matter how hard I tried. I even tried giving her people food (baked chicken) to try to entice her. Nothing. She had a hard time walking around and when I would pet her, her purr sounded sickly. She stopped sleeping with me and instead hid under the bed. Last night she hardly moved at all. She was listless and unresponsive and her body felt cold.

I took her to the vet again first thing this morning. It turns out her liver had shut down and she developed acid lipidosis, possibly as a result of the diabetes. The prognosis was very bad. There was a treatment option available. It involved aggresive IV therapy and feeding tubes, and even then the chance for survival was still low. At this point I had to make a decision. While deep inside I was still hoping for a miracle cure, I decided it would be best for Chupa to just end the suffering. Signing the euthanization forms was one of the hardest things I have ever done. The veterinarian did her best to reassure me that I had made the right decision. I'm glad Chupa is no longer in pain and that I was able to hold her and say good bye.

Chupa the Wonder Cat, you will be missed.

IN MEMORIAM
Chupa

1997 - April 27, 2006

Friday Fiver: What It All Comes Down To...

Todays Friday Fiver, while not great, is not as lame as it has been the last couple of weeks. I have deemed that the suck coefficient is low enough for me to actually answer it.

1. When is the last time you were broke?
Um...I don't think I've ever been not broke. A couple of weeks ago when I had to have a bunch of work done on my crappy car was pretty rough. I literally had no money for about a week until I got paid again. Stupid crappy Korean made automobiles. But I digress...

2. What makes you lose focus?
Taking off my glasses. Or shiney objects, I swear I'm part magpie.

3. How tall are you?
Somewhere around 5'5". It depends on the shoes I'm wearing.

4. Are you brave or cowardly?
I like to think I'm brave when I need to be, but most of the time I probably lean toward the chicken shit side.

5. What's in your pocket?
Probably some lint. Oh, and chapstick. Everything I need to carry goes into the great bag of holding.

A Little Summer Time Poll

The weather has been absolutely gorgeous this week, after a very long, but not so cold, winter. With sunshine and green grass and birds singing I decided to take advantage of the weather and stay outside as long as possible yesterday at Burlington's waterfront. And what else goes along with nice weather? I was very happy to partake in my first creemee of the season.

Which brings me to a little poll I want to take. When you order your creemee (or softserve, as some insist on calling it), do you get 'sprinkles' or 'jimmies'?

Friday Fiver: I Only Smile in the Dark

1. What's the weather like?
Right now it's sunny, but deceptively chilly. But it did rain yesterday.

2. When is the last time you felt appreciated?
Uh...

3. What is the last bad news you heard?
My friend's grandfather passed away

4. What is your favorite sad song?
Oooh. I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine. Check out his blog to see the list we came up with. My favorite depressing song? Hands down, it's Down in a Hole by Alice in Chains.

5. Tell us about something you're obsessed with:
No.

It's the Shiz'nit

Hey - check this out! Translate to jive with Gizoogle.

Polkadots!

Eek! So, a little over a week has gone by since I survived having all four impacted wisdom teeth extracted and then the flu. I'm on the med now and feeling much better, but I seem to be a little polkadotted. I think it may be a side effect of one of the myriad of prescription drugs I've been taking. I called my doctor and she told me to stop taking the antibiotics, take a couple of Benodryl, and call if it gets worse. Seriously, I don't think doctors actually diagnose anything anymore. I think they just hand you a prescription in the blind hope that you'll get better. What, not feeling better yet? Here, take this pill, then.

Let's Embarrass Ourselves Further

So the Friday Fiver is kind of lame. Here's my five quetions for the week.

1. What is the most embarrassing time you were caught singing along with a song?
2. What is the funniest blackmail photo of yourself?
3. What is your most embarrassing injury?
4. What movie in your collection are you most ashamed of owning (or your friends make fun of you mercilessly for)?
5. Ever have a wardrobe malfunction?

And here's my answers for the curious.

1. What is the most embarrassing time you were caught singing along with a song?

I've been caught in the car on numerous occassions by various random drivers sitting at the red light. One of my biggest fears is that someday someone will put a hidden microphone in the van I drive for work. I've been know to turn up the volume and do my best James Hetfield impersonation. My most emabarrassing time I got caught was the time I thought all of my roommates had left for work. Thinking no one was home I took my time getting ready for the day and cranked the stereo while I was in the shower. Apparrently one of the roommates had stayed home. I was in the shower, with the bathroom door open (to hear the music better) all soapy and headbanging to Metallica's One.

2. What is the funniest blackmail photo of yourself?

There are tons of these out there, mostly in the possession of my friend Marge. I was very happy when we were looking at her wedding photos to see that in one particular picture you couldn't see that I wasn't wearing any pants. We were getting dressed for the wedding, and some lady was taking candid photos. I had just started to get dressed when Marge needed some help with her shoes. So I went over to give her a hand, being partly dressed at the time. The photographer thought that was such a great moment and snapped a picture. The winner of the most embarrassing picture of me is actually posted on the Harlequin Specter website. It's not even supposed to be a picture of me; the foreground is a lovely portraint of someone else entirely. It was taken after hours at the VT renaissance Festival last year and I am lying on a bench in the background. There is a guy on the bench next to me, and you can clearly see his hands are on my chest.

3. What is your most embarrassing injury?

Again there are so many to choose from. Almost lobbing off my index finger in a loosing fight with a squash, and cutting myself with my own sword while goofing aound are right up there. The funniest injury involves me falling in the bathtub, in what seemed like a good idea at the time. In an attempt to overcome the shear physics of dating someone over a foot taller than I am, I climbed up on the edge of the tub and braced myself against the shower wall. Due to my own momentum and slippery shower surfaces, I ended up losing my balance and falling, pulling down the shower curtain with me. Yeah, it totaly ruined the moment.

4. What movie in your collection are you most ashamed of owning (or your friends make fun of you mercilessly for)?

I recently acquired The Muppet Show season 1 and Fraggle Rock season 1 on DVD. I stand by these choices, but others make fun of me. I also used to own a lot of bad anime. Sorceror Hunters rocked.

5. Ever have a wardrobe malfunction?

At a firend's Thanksgiving party I wore a new shirt. It looked great when I tried it on and was standing in front of the mirror. However, when I sat down, the low neckline of the shirt would open up and you could see right down it. Unfortunately, I didn't realize this until it was pointed out to me at the party.

Friday Fiver: Number One Single

So here's this weeks Friday Fiver.

1. What's your favorite song these days?
I know it's getting overplayed now, but I'm still digging on Nickleback's Animals

2. Do you wear glasses?
And contacts. But not at the same time.

3. Have you ever counted sheep to fall asleep?
No, there's never been enough sheep in my bedroom.

4. Reality TV: love it or hate it?
I'm indifferent. I basically watch the Simpsons and Family Guy.

5. Recommend a single on your friendslist that we should all get to know a little better:
Uh....no. Setting up your single friends with people they don't know is just plain not cool. People in relationships, resist the urge. Your single friends are not dying to find the same joy in couplehood that you have.

Congrats to Brian

Even in my state of semi-sickness, I managed to make it to bowling night. I came home early from work and slept a while, then went down to tea room. After sleeping and drinking tea (and some Tylonol Cold & Flu) I was feeling half way decent so I decided to try bowling. I did fairly good except for the first game. Brian came through with 3 great games, with a tremendous score of 220 in the final game. Congrats Brian!

Still Alive (or the pity me post)

It's been awhile since my last post. I survived having 4 impacted wisdom teeth removed only to get the flu two days later. I fully blame my brother for that wonderful gift. The last couple of days have not been fun, but, well, I got better. I didn't see any bright lights to walk into, although if I had, I probably would have dropped down into the three point stance and run away in the other direction.I actually tried going to work today, but only made it to about noon. I figured if I wasn't going to be productive, I might as well be unproductive at home. I have learned that vicoden is not my friend. And that watching day time tv will only make you more sick. On a brighter note, I did make it all the way through the Family Guy DVD set I got for my birthday and the Stewie Griffin Story. I highly recomend both to anyone who wants a laugh. I have a lot to look forward to in the next week or so. I look forward to regaining my sense of smell and not feeling so tired all the time. I look forward to getting the stitches taken out of my mouth and being able to open my mouth fully. Today I forgot and yawned - ouch! Most especially, I look forward to being able to eat solid foods again.

I'm Old!

So, I know I'm not that old in the scheme of things. I did, however, just celebrate a birthday and came to the realization that I'm going to be hitting thirty pretty darn soon. Remember when 30 seemed old? Also, the last time I went out on the town, I found myself looking around at the crowd thinking was I that annoying at 21? The answer is, yeah, I probably was. Amateurs. I came to the conclusion that I was the old creepy guy at the back of the club. Not really old, just too old to be there. I also could hear the Jaws theme playing in my head watching the college boys persuing their drunken prey across the dance floor.

So today I'm feeling old. I discovered it only takes 2 drinks to get me feeling a buzz, which I suppose is good for the wallet. However, it now takes me about 3 days to recover from a late night. This sadly means that if I go out on a Saturday, I'm going to be feeling like crap until Wednesday. Yeah, I'm aging.

So I worked through all of that. I'm aging. So what? I have a lot of years left in me still. I'm smarter, more sure of myself, and put up with a lot less BS then I did a few years ago. I started getting used to the idea of hitting 30. And then I checked the mail. Nothing makes a person feel quite as old as getting one of these in the mail. Yomper, I feel your pain.

Friday Fiver: Cheney's Got a Gun

Ahh, everone's favorite topic of discussion this week. Even the Friday Fiver has gotten in on the VP shot someone in the face with a shotgun thing.

1. Do you have good hand-eye coordination?
Decent enough for swinging swords and throwing axes with a bit of accuracy.

2. Have you ever held a gun?
Yes, held and fired a hunting rifle at paper targets.

3. What do you think of toy guns?
Do I think they make people violent? No. Do I think it's bad for children to have toy guns? No, but I do believe that children need to understand the difference between fantasy and reality. Parents need to pay attention to their children enough to catch early warning signs if the lines between fantasy and reality start to become blurred.

4. When is the last time you asked for forgiveness?
Last spring I said some things to a friend that my inner monologue should have kept silent.

5. Your favorite Aerosmith song:
Dream On, also Sweet Emotion and Walk This Way, featuring Run DMC

There are, of course, other questions that the Cheney-Whittington shooting brings up.
1. How do you feel about canned hunting operations?
2. Do you believe that there was alcohol involved?
3. How do you suppose the police would have handled the situation if an average citizen shot his hunting partner?
4. Why did it take so long for Cheney to make a statement.
5. Do you think Cheney will be charged with anything if Whittington dies from his wounds?

In answer to my own questions...
1. I think it's unsportsmanlike to hunt penned game. I also think that grain fed quail are about as weary of humans as urban pigeons.

2. When the story broke earlier this week, I really didn't think alcohol was involved. If these guys had to hunt released domestic quail, then I don't think we're dealing with some experienced hunters. People get excited, accidents happen. Now, however, it's revealed that lunch may have included a beer or two. Yeah, right. Anyone who's ever been stopped by the cops tells them they've had 2 beers. This makes me think alcohol was an issue, and the 14 hour delay in talking to the police is now explained. Cheney probably needed to sober up.

3. If this was Joe Average-citizen and his buddy, there would have been a delay in talking to the police. Cheney was allowed a 14 hour grace period to sober up and get his story straight. Depending on the shooter's BAC, charges may have been brought for reckless endangerement. The hunting license would have certainly been revoked, with the possiblity of not being allowed to own firearms.

4. This is by far the biggest goof in how the situation was handled. If Cheney made a statement when the incident happeded, then the late night talk shows would have made some jokes and the whole thing would have been soon forgotten. Now it's become front page news. The reason it took so long is that he was under the impression that this could be just quietly swept inder the rug. I also don't think Cheney is all that sorry. Earlier this week he tried to blame Whittington for the accident (Whittington didn't announce his position). Sorry, the shooter is always responsible, but taking responsibility has not been one of this administrations strong points.

5. If the worst happens and Whittington dies, either directly from his wounds or complications, then I think we'll see his family speak out and attempt to bring about charges on Cheney. I do not believe that they'll be able to make the charges stick. I don't think this is enough to get him thrown out, but later Cheney may step down from his VP position, due to 'health concerns'.

Fun Things to Do in a Hotel Room

I've been doing some contract work for a hospital this past week in upstate New York. Usually when I do this kind of thing, I work insanely long hours to get the job done and me home as quickly as possible. Unfortunately this time I needed to space my hours out so I was on-site Monday through Friday. This has caused me to find new and exciting things to occupy my time at night in the hotel room. If you actually try any of these be sure to tip the housekeepers heavily for cleaning up after your dumb ass.

• Find and stash as much free soap, toilettries, and stationary as your suitcase will hold
• Carve Celtic runes into the soap and place them in precise patterns around the room
• Take all the sheets and blankets off the beds and build little forts in the room
• Find the sewing kit. Sew a button on the light shade
• Towel oragami
• Set up a mini golf course. Use trash cans, the ice bucket, and soda bottles for holes. You can always swipe some olives from the mini bar to use as the ball
• If you're staying multiple nights, alternate the bed you sleep in. Put the pillows at the foot of the bed. This really won't kill any time, but it will mess with the housekeeper's head
• Take the ironing board to the nearest stairwell. Surf's up!

Friggin' Friday Fiver

OK. The questions off this weeks Friday Fiver aren't as lame as last week, but they're not much better either.

1. Any plans to watch the Super Bowl?
No, not really. It may be on in the background at some point in time this evening.
2. Friday or Saturday: Which is a better date night?
It depends on if I have to work late on Friday, in which case I'll be in a bad mood when I get home.
3. Do you do anything special on the weekends that you don't do during the week?
Generally this is when I do really exciting things like laundry and cleaning the bathroom.
4. Where do you get your news from?
CNN.com; NPR, since I spend a lot of time behind the wheel; occassionally the Burlington Free Press, usually read while doing laundry, see above; various sites out there in blogland
5. Kevin, Norm, Colin, Jimmy, Tina or Amy?
I didn't get the reference. I tend to agree with Yomper, who makes the point that this is probably a Saturday Nighlt Live reference based on the title 'Weekend Update'.

Fashion Sense

The other day I was shopping the clearance racks at the Fashion Bug and I happened to notice a display of T shirts with 'cute' little phrases written in glitter and rhinestones. I've always thought it was somehow wrong to be dressing young women in shirts that describe the wearer as 'Porn Star' or 'Playboy Bunny'. It reminds me of an episode of The Family Guy.

Lois: Oh, what about this, Meg? A pink baby-tee that says "Little Slut." That seems pretty hip.
Meg: I don't know if that's really me, Mom.
Lois: Well, they've got one that says "Porn Star" and another that says "Sperm Dumpster." And they're all written in glitter.
Meg: All right, all right. Give me "Sperm Dumpster."
Lois: That's the spirit!

One particular shirt I saw, proudly proclaimed in multicolored glitter and rhinestones




This got me thinking. Now, I know this is supposed to be cute and clever, but is this the kind of message we as women really want to be sending? It just leaves our male counterparts open to walking around in shirts that read

Answering my own questions

Yomper's right. I really should have answered my own questions. Or to quote him, it would be like 'just walking away with the Mardi Gras beads without paying for them'. So, my answers to my own questions...

1. What is your opinion of the spork?
The spork is the unholy union between the spoon and the fork. I find the fork part to be fairly useless, leaving you with a pointy demon spoon.

2. Gnomes: good or evil?
definitely evil. All of them. Even the Travelocity Gnome. You know he's plotting something. Look into his eyes, they're nothing but pure evil.

3. What do you think of your dodgeball playing experiences?
I have a hypothesis that one's dogeball enjoyment has an inverse relationship in proportion to one's schoolage geekiness. That said, I really dreaded every time we had to line up for dodgeball in gym class. Like Yomper, we played against a brick wall in graded school. We had a small school so the boys and girls had gym together until 8th grade. The only redeeming factor was that in highschool, the genders were separated, leaving me the largest person on the dodgeball wall with 8 years of frustration to get out of my system. But I'm not a violent person, really.

4. What mythical creature or fictional character do you fear most? (or would, if it existed)
Gnomes. Nothing but pure evil. And those flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz.

5. Who would you bet on if the Teletubbbies have a Steel Cage match against the Tweenies with Barney the Dinosaur as a special guest referee?
My money's on the Teletubbies. They've got those things on top of their heads that can be used as weapons. And I don't think Barney would be able to call it a foreign weapon.

Random Questions That Need Answering

This week's Friday Fiver is kind of pointless. Everything they ask can be seen in my profile here on the blog. Let's have some more thought provoking questions, people. Below is what Friday Fiver asked.

1. Age?
2. Sex?
3. Location?
4. Single?
5. How long have you been doing the fridayfiver?

Honestly, I may need to stop posting these. But then I'd have to come up with some original material. Here are some questions I think are more fun and thought provoking. Feel free to answer.

1. What is your opinion of the spork?
2. Gnomes: good or evil?
3. What do you think of your dodgeball playing experiences?
4. What mythical creature or fictional character do you fear most? (or would, if it existed)
5. Who would you bet on if the Teletubbbies have a Steel Cage match against the Tweenies with Barney the Dinosaur as a special guest referee?