Something I Will Never Try

Watching TV last night, I same an ad for something called Kickbutt Energy Ballz. Yup. You read that right. The roommate and I just looked at each other and laughed. This is even better than the bottle of Screaming Energy that he bought. He hasn't taken it yet, though, because we're afraid that it will make him run screaming down the street.

I'm certain Kickbutt Energy Ballz is a product that I will never try. There are many reasons why, but here are the ones that jumped out at me.

• First, it's another crappy energy product. Granted, it's in candy form as opposed to drink form, but I like my kidneys.
• The name. I will not consume anything with both the words butt and balls in the title.
• Misspelled word in the title. Calling the product energy balls would be bad enough. This thing is so crazy, that it's not just balls, it's ballz.
• They're trying too hard to be edgy. Because their ballz have attitude. How is a product supposed to have attitude? Maybe they tried emo ballz, but they just made you sit around and mope.
• Creatine is listed among its ingredients. Ever been around someone bulking up with creatine? It gives them some foul gas.
• Looking at their website, they like to throw around the word 'ballz' a little too much. Try our ballz! Our ballz taste great! Would you like to sell our ballz? No. I don't want your ballz anywhere near me.